St Mark's Anglican Church, District Six

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St Mark's Anglican Church, District Six - Jokes

SIGNS SEEN OUTSIDE CHURCHES
The best vitamin for a Christian is B1. Under same management for over 2,000 years. Soul food served here. Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday! Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church. We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead of the age of rock. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case! Come early for a good seat in the back. Life has many choices, Eternity has two. What's yours? Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due. A man's character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened by whitewash. K-mart isn't the only saving place! Preach the gospel at all times ... Use words only if necessary. Delay is preferable to error. It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees. What part of "THOU SHALT NOT" don't you understand? A clear conscience makes a soft pillow. The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday! Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive. Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings. Forbidden fruit creates many jams. To belittle is to be little. Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you. God answers knee mail. Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back. Jesus. Voted Best Savior over 2000 years in a row!!!!
The Flight To Egypt
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot."
What Does LOVE Mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca (8 yrs) "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy (4 yrs) "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl (5 yrs) "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy (6 yrs) "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri (4 yrs) "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny (7 yrs) "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby (5 yrs) "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend whom you hate." Nikka (6 yrs) "There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them." Jenny (4 yrs) "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle (7 yrs) "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy (6 yrs) "My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare (5 yrs) "Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine (5 yrs) "Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris (8 yrs) "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann (4 yrs) "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren (4 yrs) "I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her." Bethany (4 yrs) "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen (7 yrs) "Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark (6 yrs) "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica (8 yrs)
Confused
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked, "What happened to the flea?"